A site for entertainment only; this is not a business
we can benefit from being early adopters of crypto
Building on success
A crypto market with room to grow
Building on success
Zarniwoop became editor-in-chief of The Guide when it was bought out by Infinidim Enterprises (now located on Saquo-Pilia Hensha) and he succeeded the previous editor-in-chief, Stagyar-zil-Doggo. Following the astounding success of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy he decided to follow up with this Hodler's Guide.
Playbeing, who‘s office was co-located with Zarniwoop's old office in Light City on Ursa Minor Beta, still assists Zarniwoop with marketing the Guide but is separately owned by Megadodo Publications.
No financial advice
A crypto market with room to grow
Building on success
The Guide gives no financial advice except to remind you that a bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove you don't need it and when a bank warns that cryptocurrency may be used for money laundering just remember that every top 10 bank has been fined as £150 billion is laundered annually.
The Guide is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate. The Guide is an indispensable companion to all those who are keen to make sense of life in an infinitely complex and confusing multiverse, for though it cannot hope to be useful or informative on all matters, it does at least make the reassuring claim that where it is inaccurate it is at least definitively inaccurate. In cases of major discrepancy it’s always reality that’s got it wrong.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. By following the Guide you may not need to do your own research and if you fear that due to limited aptitude for math you may never understand how cryptography actually works it can be soothing to remember that "ELEVEN PLUS TWO" is an anagram of "TWELVE PLUS ONE"
A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. There are many hazards in the cryptocurrency space but no mice were harmed in the construction of this Guide.
A crypto market with room to grow
A crypto market with room to grow
A crypto market with room to grow
Total value stored in bitcoin and the crypto market is still tiny compared to other more traditional financial instruments.
The person (or group) called Satoshi Nakamoto invented bitcoin because they no longer believed in the current financial system and the way it functioned. As another member of the conspiracy to discover who actually ruled the universe Satoshi is, not surprisingly, well known to Zarniwoop who knows how to keep a secret. But Satoshi's Bitcoin whitepaper and many others are available in our library.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. Users knowledgeable enough to send donations to the zarniwoop.crypto domain will receive no return but can be happy in the knowledge that their crypto won't get taxed and after they're gone it will be used elsewhere in the galaxy.
Marvin says, "For every action there is an equal and opposite government programme."
Choose wisely
Do your own research
Fiat currency debasement is inevitable
Fiat currency debasement is inevitable
Every individual has their own particular set of circumstances, objectives and reasons for becoming involved in cryptocurrency.
Fiat currency debasement is inevitable
Fiat currency debasement is inevitable
Fiat currency debasement is inevitable
Today, most currencies are fiat currencies and are not based on a precious metal. Debasement only requires that the government print more money, or since much money exists only in digital accounts, create more electronically. The US dollar remains one of strongest most stable fiat currencies but has lost 97% of its purchasing power since 1913.
Onchain momentum gain
Fiat currency debasement is inevitable
Onchain momentum gain
Blockchain adoption has been increasing at a faster rate than Internet adoption did.
Consider a more decentralised future
Zarniwoop and Marvin are here to help
As an executive of the Guide, Zarniwoop Vann Harl is masterminding the Guide's new all-powerful format. He recognised a weakness in an earlier publication, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", was a failure to help humans invest in cryptocurrency. Diamonds can be artificially manufactured while other traditional stores of value on earth like gold or alternative so-called precious metals are very plentiful on some other planets and tend to be cumbersome and expensive to transport around. Limited supply and increasing demand make cryptocurrencies of more lasting universal value throughout the multiverse especially if quantum computing resistant cryptographic algorithms have been employed (not yet required on your instance of planet earth). Your national fiat currencies will have no value whatsoever after the instance of planet Earth upon which you are located has been destroyed by the Vogons. Zaphod Beeblebrox, whose grandfather knew Zarniwoop too, is working on behalf of the human race to avert this disaster and your donations of crypto through Marvin will help pay for Zaphod's psychiatric therapy so he can help save your planet. When Zaphod Beeblebrox went to find Zarniwoop on Ursa Minor Beta he said, "Marvin, just get this elevator to go up will you? We've got to get to Zarniwoop." "Why?" asked Marvin dolefully. "I don't know", said Zaphod, "but when I find him, he'd better have a very good reason for me wanting to see him." Now you know there was a good reason, but on the other hand you have different fingers.
Your planet is scheduled for demolition. We regret that for your instance of earth in the multiverse we have been unable to determine the most probable timing of this event but if you are reading this then the good news is that it hasn't happened yet.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.