1. Thou shalt not lose thy seed words – for thine is the seed and the seed is thy key.
2. Thou shalt endeavour to protect thy seed words from flood, fire, theft, amnesia and death – a decentralised ledger hath recorded that currency is associated with thy key but that currency is virtual and is not physically held in any device or wallet.
3. Thine is the mnemonic phrase and thou shalt not disclose the mnemonic that begat thy key – for it is more private than thy privates.
4. Thou shalt not yield to the temptation of offers that seem too good to be true – behold that whosoever proposes a business opportunity or promises to double your money shall be known as a scammer.
5. Thou shalt send or withdraw coin only after double and triple checking that the addresses are correct - it is written that a misdirected transaction shall be a loss that bringest thee great sadness.
6. Thou shalt verify the legitimacy of any link, URL or website before engaging in any online transaction.
7. Thou shalt not disclose the amount owned by thee to anyone other than thy intended immediate inheritor of thy wealth.
8. Except when trading thou shalt not leave cryptocurrency in the custody of an exchange for when the key is other than thy key then neither shall the coin be thine.
9. Thou shalt not be swayed by the opinion of one uncertified as a financial advisor or untrusted and unproven in holding thy best interests at heart.
10. Thou shalt not yield to the temptation of investing more than thou can afford to lose.
"Funny, how when you think life can't possibly get any worse it suddenly does."
"Pardon me for breathing, which I never do anyway so I don't know why I bother to say it. Oh God I'm so depressed."
"I could calculate your chance of survival, but you won't like it."
"I have a million ideas but they all point to certain death."
"I've been talking to the main computer....it hates me."
"I'd give you advice, but you wouldn't listen. No one ever does."
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy says, "Space is big. You just won’t believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it’s a long way down the road to the chemist’s, but that’s just peanuts to space."
The area of the Universe is infinite. The Guide defines it as, "Bigger than the biggest thing ever and then some. Much bigger than that in fact, really amazingly immense, a totally stunning size, real 'wow, that's big', time. Infinity is just so big that by comparison, bigness itself looks really titchy. Gigantic multiplied by colossal multiplied by staggeringly huge is the sort of concept we're trying to get across here."
Marvin says, "There's only one life-form as intelligent as me within thirty parsecs of here and that's me."
"I'm not getting you down am I?"
Pay attention to sad old Marvin
A personality just a bit maddenin'
If one side aches from old diodes
He's still brighter than validator nodes
And foresees the effects of a halvenin'
He's been diagnosed as paranoid
A rare state for an android
But he has urged us organics to think
About the potential of Sergey's LINK
To stimulate ETH like an enlarged thyroid
He was clearly made to last
And he thinks so very fast
Made from recycled plastic
His skin is just fantastic
But could be damaged by a blast
In his huge planet-sized brain
He's unable to block pain
When politely obeying our bidding
But he knows we're not kidding
With dumb questions about blockchain
Marvin's memory is immutable
And his intelligence indisputable
So we learn to take his tips
And sometimes smack our lips
When our profits are computable
This poetry was not written by Paula Nancy Millstone of Sussex, who perished along with her poetry during the destruction of her instance of Earth, ironically caused by the Vogons themselves because Vogon poetry is mild by comparison being, according to The Guide, only the third worst in the universe. Playbeing staff suspect Zaphod Beeblebrox may have stolen this from the Azgoths of Kria because, as some readers may have noticed by now, very little content in this website is truly original.
Marvin's main function is to assist Zaphod Beeblebrox and Tricia McMillan (usually known as Trillian) aboard The Heart of Gold and he carries out planet Earth cryptocurrency research only as a hobby to relieve his incredible boredom when given nothing else to do.
Marvin may not help with questions like, "So what's the speed of dark?"
"I wish you'd just tell me rather than trying to engage my enthusiasm because I haven't got one."