Follow the beginners' guide
Avoid costly errors
Access scientific research
Understand Marvin's method
Zarniwoop Vann Harl, an executive of the Guide, is masterminding the Guide's new all-powerful format. He is in fact one of a number of people who entered into a conspiracy to discover who actually ruled the universe. He recognised that a weakness in an earlier publication, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", was its failure to help humans invest in cryptocurrency and use the Interplanetary File System (IPFS) so that some of Earth's wealth could be harvested before it was destroyed by the Vogons. This Guide is his remedy.
Some humans actually believe that this may be an alias of Sergey Nazarov, a Russian human who began his career building peer-to-peer marketplaces, going on to the investment team at FirstMark Capital. He openly joined the cryptocurrency revolution in 2011, and believes it has the ability to change the way societies distribute wealth, enforce contracts, and share critical information with their citizens. He was a teenager when Bitcoin was created. As another member of the conspiracy Satoshi is, not surprisingly, well known to Zarniwoop who knows how to keep a secret.
The person (or group) called Satoshi Nakamoto invented bitcoin because they no longer believed in the current financial system and the way it functioned. ... Completely non-reversible transactions are not really possible, since financial institutions cannot avoid mediating disputes.
In this instance of the Multiverse (your Universe) we don't want to wait indefinitely for mass adoption of cryptocurrencies because national fiat currencies will have no value whatsoever after the instance of the planet Earth upon which you are located has been destroyed by the Vogons. Zaphod Beeblebrox, whose grandfather knew Zarniwoop too, is working on behalf of the human race to avert this disaster and your donations through Marvin will help pay for Zaphod's psychiatric therapy.
We regret that for your instance we have been unable to determine the most probable timing of this event but if you are reading this then the good news is that it hasn't happened yet.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Every individual has their own particular set of circumstances, objectives and reasons for becoming involved in cryptocurrency.
Always remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.
The market price of cryptocurrency tends to be volatile. New blockchain projects, coins and tokens are constantly appearing on the market while others will fall into disrepute and decrease in value.
Don't forget that diamonds can be artificially manufactured while other traditional stores of value on earth like gold or alternative so-called precious metals are very plentiful on some other planets and tend to be cumbersome and expensive to transport around. Limited supply and increasing demand make cryptocurrencies of more lasting universal value throughout the multiverse especially if quantum computing resistant cryptographic algorithms have been employed (not yet required on your instance of planet earth). On the other hand you have different fingers.
Compare some of the most profitable investments of the decade (to Q3 2020):
Even if we were financial advisors (which we are not) we couldn't give you investment advice without knowing about your personal circumstances, your appetite for risk and your goals for the future. But Marvin can possibly help you to work out a strategy.
Bitcoin (BTC) was the first cryptocurrency and the Bitcoin network has not been successfully hacked or broken since it was created in 2009.
Ethereum (ETH) was the first alternative blockchain to introduce smart contracts written using the Solidity programming language and opening up the possibility of decentralised finance with globally distributed computing. There are other ecosystems offering these facilities but Ethereum has first-mover advantage and enjoys the largest community of developers. If Metcalfe's Law is valid then in 2021 if one compares the rate of growth in the number of nodes and transactions on the Ethereum network to the rate of growth in the number of nodes and transactions on the Bitcoin network one might expect the value of ETH to increase more rapidly than the value of BTC.
Chainlink (LINK) was the first "oracle" implementation enabling on-chain smart contracts to reference off-chain data from traditional IT systems such as SAP. The Chainlink network provides reliable tamper-proof inputs and outputs for complex smart contracts on any blockchain. The CEO of Chainlink is Sergey Nazarov. Chainlink introduced the ERC677 transferAndCall token standard that lowers transaction costs and enables staking and more recently introduced Chainlink VRF that can generate verifiable random numbers for use in smart contracts. The LINK token is an ERC677 token that inherits functionality from the ERC20 token standard and allows token transfers to contain a data payload. It is used to pay node operators for retrieving data for smart contracts and also for deposits placed by node operators as required by contract creators.
Decred (DCR) is arguably the most secure, adaptable and sustainable cryptocurrency because it uses an innovative hybrid consensus system combining both proof-of-work and proof-of-stake, has a built-in governance system and continuously funds its treasury to support a flexible contractor model.
Value of a Zarniwoop V2 NFT depends on the properties of its observers (Man muss zart und attraktiv sein) so before heading to our COLLECTIBLES page to buy any of this rare art we suggest you carefully read the "ZART token valuation limitations" section of the Zarniwoop whitepaper that you'll find on our DOWNLOADS page.
Or if you don't know what an NFT is, click the button below for an explanatory video.
The Guide gives no financial advice except to remind you that a bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove you don't need it and when a bank warns that cryptocurrency may be used for money laundering just remember that every top 10 bank has been fined as £150 billion is laundered annually.
The Guide is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate. The Guide is an indispensable companion to all those who are keen to make sense of life in an infinitely complex and confusing multiverse of parallel universes, for though it cannot hope to be useful or informative on all matters, it does at least make the reassuring claim, that where it is inaccurate it is at least definitively inaccurate. In cases of major discrepancy it’s always reality that’s got it wrong.
Following the astounding success of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy we decided to follow up with this Hodler's Guide.
The Interplanetary File System (IPFS) hosts our zarniwoop.crypto gallery of art at https://bafybeidytafml5dbg5i64ecqmawwyla5q7mslomfzazjxd2bfyw4jvjboe.ipfs.dweb.link/ it is the "Web3" domain of Zarniwoop Vann Harl who became editor-in-chief of The Guide when it was bought by out by Infinidim Enterprises (now located on Saquo-Pilia Hensha) and he succeeded the previous editor-in-chief Stagyar-zil-Doggo.
Playbeing, who‘s office was co-located with Zarniwoop's old office in Light City on Ursa Minor Beta, still assists Zarniwoop with marketing the Guide but is separately owned by Megadodo Publications.
Although it is excruciatingly rich, horrifyingly sunny and more full of wonderfully exciting people than a pomegranate is of pips, it can hardly be insignificant that when a recent edition of Playbeing magazine headlined an article with the words "When you are tired of Ursa Minor Beta you are tired of life", the suicide rate quadrupled overnight.
For every action there is an equal and opposite government programme so the probability that cryptocurrency will help you become incredibly wealthy may not as high as some cryptocurrency enthusiasts would have you believe.
A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Users knowledgeable enough to send donations to the zarniwoop.crypto domain will receive no return but can be happy in the knowledge that their crypto will not get taxed and after they are gone it will be used elsewhere in the galaxy. Marvin accepts anonymous tips in the form of any ERC20 token on the Ethereum network in wallet address: 0x73B8E4BA299Ba66525DccbEd7D9bBDbc7E63a2a7