Follow the beginners' guide
Avoid drowning in shit
Access scientific research
Consider Marvin's method
Avoid losing it
Do your own research
Zarniwoop Vann Harl, an executive of the Guide, is masterminding the Guide's new all-powerful format. He is in fact one of a number of people who entered into a conspiracy to discover who actually ruled the universe. He recognised that a weakness in an earlier publication, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", was its failure to help humans invest in cryptocurrency and use the Interplanetary File System (IPFS) so that some of Earth's wealth could be harvested before it was destroyed by the Vogons. This Guide is his remedy.
Zarniwoop loves to receive bitcoin that his fans have sent to his vann-harl.x domain. Marvin recalls that Ford Prefect described Vann Harl as follows, "A commanding individual, who wasn't afraid to give out orders and expect them to be followed. He was a smooth talker, however he did not always bother with good manners, such as not putting his hand out towards Ford when introducing himself as his new boss. He had a sense of humour and occasionally made jokes, however they were usually at the expense of others. He had no trouble with firing members of staff or threatening to fire them, which he did to Ford several times. Harl was obsessed with the possibilities of the future, especially possibilities which involved him and InfiniDim Enteprises making a lot of money. He had no hesitations with changing how the Guide was sold, such as marketing it towards affluent business travellers instead of "penniless" hitchhikers."
Some humans actually believe that this may be an alias of Sergey Nazarov, a Russian human who began his career building peer-to-peer marketplaces, going on to the investment team at FirstMark Capital. He openly joined the cryptocurrency revolution in 2011, and believes it has the ability to change the way societies distribute wealth, enforce contracts, and share critical information with their citizens. He was a teenager when Bitcoin was created. As another member of the conspiracy Satoshi is, not surprisingly, well known to Zarniwoop who knows how to keep a secret.
The person (or group) called Satoshi Nakamoto invented bitcoin because they no longer believed in the current financial system and the way it functioned. ... Completely non-reversible transactions are not really possible, since financial institutions cannot avoid mediating disputes.
We regret that for your instance we have been unable to determine the most probable timing of this event but if you are reading this then the good news is that it hasn't happened yet.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
To get anything worth anything in this instance of the Multiverse (your Universe) we couldn't wait indefinitely for mass adoption of cryptocurrencies on Earth. Your national fiat currencies will have no value whatsoever after the instance of the planet Earth upon which you are located has been destroyed by the Vogons. Zaphod Beeblebrox, whose grandfather knew Zarniwoop too, is working on behalf of the human race to avert this disaster and your donations of crypto through Marvin will help pay for Zaphod's psychiatric therapy so he can help save your planet. When Zaphod Beeblebrox went to find Zarniwoop on Ursa Minor Beta he said, "Marvin, just get this elevator to go up will you? We've got to get to Zarniwoop."
"Why?" asked Marvin dolefully.
"I don't know", said Zaphod, "but when I find him, he'd better have a very good reason for me wanting to see him."
Now we know there was a good reason.
Compare some of the most profitable investments of the decade (to Q3 2020):
Every individual has their own particular set of circumstances, objectives and reasons for becoming involved in cryptocurrency.
Always remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.
The market price of cryptocurrency tends to be volatile. New blockchain projects, coins and tokens are constantly appearing on the market while others will fall into disrepute and decrease in value.
Don't forget that diamonds can be artificially manufactured while other traditional stores of value on earth like gold or alternative so-called precious metals are very plentiful on some other planets and tend to be cumbersome and expensive to transport around. Limited supply and increasing demand make cryptocurrencies of more lasting universal value throughout the multiverse especially if quantum computing resistant cryptographic algorithms have been employed (not yet required on your instance of planet earth). On the other hand you have different fingers.
Even if we were financial advisors (which we are not) we couldn't give you investment advice without knowing about your personal circumstances, your appetite for risk and your goals for the future. But Marvin can possibly help you to work out a strategy.
Bitcoin (BTC) was the first cryptocurrency and the Bitcoin network has not been successfully hacked or broken since it was created in 2009.
Ethereum (ETH) was the first alternative blockchain to introduce smart contracts written using the Solidity programming language and opening up the possibility of decentralised finance with globally distributed computing. There are other ecosystems offering these facilities but Ethereum has first-mover advantage and enjoys the largest community of developers. If Metcalfe's Law is valid then in 2021 if one compares the rate of growth in the number of nodes and transactions on the Ethereum network to the rate of growth in the number of nodes and transactions on the Bitcoin network one might expect the value of ETH to increase more rapidly than the value of BTC. Officially launched in 2015, this six-year-old cryptocurrency has accumulated a staggering market capitalization nearing the half-a-trillion dollar mark. Ethereum is ranked as the world’s second-largest cryptocurrency (by market capitalization) and within a very short period of time has been center stage to some of the most extraordinary returns the world has ever seen. If you had purchased $1,000 of Ether six years ago (at the low price of $0.42) you would have been able to buy approximately 2,380 tokens. Today, those 2,380 Ether tokens would be more than $7 million dollars. If you had invested $10,000 of Ether on February 11th 2017 when the token was trading for $11.40 you would have been able to purchase ~ 877 tokens. Those tokens could have been sold less than a year later on January 12th for $1,366 per token, for a calculated total value of $1.1 million.
Chainlink (LINK) was the first "oracle" implementation enabling on-chain smart contracts to reference off-chain data from traditional IT systems such as SAP. The Chainlink network provides reliable tamper-proof inputs and outputs for complex smart contracts on any blockchain. The CEO of Chainlink is Sergey Nazarov. Chainlink introduced the ERC677 transferAndCall token standard that lowers transaction costs and enables staking and more recently introduced Chainlink VRF that can generate verifiable random numbers for use in smart contracts. The LINK token is an ERC677 token that inherits functionality from the ERC20 token standard and allows token transfers to contain a data payload. It is used to pay node operators for retrieving data for smart contracts and also for deposits placed by node operators as required by contract creators.
Decred (DCR) is arguably the most secure, adaptable and sustainable cryptocurrency because it uses an innovative hybrid consensus system combining both proof-of-work and proof-of-stake, has a built-in governance system and continuously funds its treasury to support a flexible contractor model.
Value of a Zarniwoop V2 NFT depends on the properties of its observers so before heading to our COLLECTIBLES page to buy any we strongly suggest you carefully read the "Zarniwoop V2 token valuation limitations" section of the Zarniwoop whitepaper that you'll find on our DOWNLOADS page. Most NFTs are on the Ethereum network and the largest market is Open Sea at https://opensea.io?ref=0xdbe92acad3125aaddae065e96a7107f8649bfdf9
To hear about the potential future importance of social tokens we recommend you listen to an interview with Raoul Pal at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3Ml5y8pDjs
Total value stored in bitcoin and the crypto market is still tiny compared to other more traditional financial instruments.
The future of money is decentralised.
Marvin says, "For every action there is an equal and opposite government programme so the probability that cryptocurrency will help you become wealthy may not be as high as some crypto enthusiasts would have you believe."
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. Users knowledgeable enough to send donations to the zarniwoop.crypto domain will receive no return but can be happy in the knowledge that their crypto won't get taxed and after they're gone it will be used elsewhere in the galaxy.
The Guide gives no financial advice except to remind you that a bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove you don't need it and when a bank warns that cryptocurrency may be used for money laundering just remember that every top 10 bank has been fined as £150 billion is laundered annually.
The Guide is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate. The Guide is an indispensable companion to all those who are keen to make sense of life in an infinitely complex and confusing multiverse of parallel universes, for though it cannot hope to be useful or informative on all matters, it does at least make the reassuring claim that where it is inaccurate it is at least definitively inaccurate. In cases of major discrepancy it’s always reality that’s got it wrong.
A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.
No mice were harmed in the construction of the Guide.
Following the astounding success of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy we decided to follow up with this Hodler's Guide.
The Interplanetary File System (IPFS) hosts our zarniwoop.crypto gallery of art at https://bafybeidytafml5dbg5i64ecqmawwyla5q7mslomfzazjxd2bfyw4jvjboe.ipfs.dweb.link/ it is the "Web3" domain of Zarniwoop Vann Harl who became editor-in-chief of The Guide when it was bought by out by Infinidim Enterprises (now located on Saquo-Pilia Hensha) and he succeeded the previous editor-in-chief Stagyar-zil-Doggo. Playbeing, who‘s office was co-located with Zarniwoop's old office in Light City on Ursa Minor Beta, still assists Zarniwoop with marketing the Guide but is separately owned by Megadodo Publications. Although it is excruciatingly rich, horrifyingly sunny and more full of wonderfully exciting people than a pomegranate is of pips, it can hardly be insignificant that when a recent edition of Playbeing magazine headlined an article with the words "When you are tired of Ursa Minor Beta you are tired of life", the suicide rate quadrupled overnight.